Dealing with depressive thoughts as you close in on FIRE

Sorry the posting has been a little late. I’ve been on the road traveling (11 hours in the car on Wed, 7 hours yesterday) so it was a little difficult to get posting up.

I’m traveling down to North Carolina to take a woodworking class (You’ve got to have hobbies!) and took the opportunity to stop off and see family in Knoxville TN on the way (Mom, Brother, other folks). It’s always great to have the opportunity to see family, especially when you are living 11 hours away by car.

Family has always been important to me, or at least I think so – but you couldn’t tell by my life choices. Mrs. 39 Months had a mother who wasn’t in the best of health, so we ended up moving to a place a little closer to her (3 hours) than my family. Even then, we would see her side maybe twice a year. Mine I would see, if I was lucky, about once a year. We always complained that nobody came to visit us, that we always had to be the ones traveling – but we also didn’t have any children to draw the grandparents to us.

Visiting my old homestead, where I lived for 18 years and was formed (and which I still feel is my home state) brings up a lot of memories. I see the choices I made growing up, and think about what could have been, had I made a different decision. I see places I enjoyed as a youth, and it brings back memories of old friends, lots of fun, and sadness at the passing of time. I have a tendency to be morbid about the past at times (something that Mrs. 39 Months chastises me about), but its part of my character. It doesn’t last very long, and typically I return to my usual upbeat self after only a short time.

That is why I have embraced stoicism with some vigor. The teaching help me deal with these feelings, as they show that what is past is gone, never to return. The decisions made then have gotten you to where you are now, but all you can control are your decisions now. It is useless to spend time and emotion on something you can no longer control. I know the logic behind it, but still have moments.

I also have been reflecting on what I’m going to do once I hit FI. I believe this is a topic that many folks explore vaguely, or in their first couple of years. They do all the things they have wanted to do all their lives (travel, hobbies, etc.). Then they look in the mirror, after a decade of pushing like crazy to reach FI, and see that they no longer need to push. They have to alter their personality, and it’s tough. That is probably why some of my favorite blogs to follow are those folks who have reached FI, and what they are doing now – years afterward.

I am still working that out.

Additional Reading on subject

Mr. 39 Months

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