What do you do when your reason for living has gone away?

The comments below reflect the thoughts and idea of myself, a 54-year old man, raised in that time period. Some people may question the assumptions or thoughts here, but they are mine, and I believe they reflect a certain percentage of the men my age in the FI community. Since the purpose of this blog is for me to discuss my thoughts on FI, and its impact on my life, I do not have any problem with voicing my opinions and thoughts on the matter.

As someone born at the tail end of the boomers/beginning of Gen X (1964) my general thoughts on men is that we are the providers in a relationship (I know, everyone has different opinions here – I’m talking in generalities here, so sue me). Men have the ability to generate excess resources beyond their needs. Anyone who has ever been to a bachelor’s home knows that they don’t need much to live. I once heard a female comedian call men “bears with furniture.”

A typical bachelor pad will have some basic furniture, maybe a card table instead of a dining table, and a functional bed. Not much on decorations, curtains, exotic cooking gear, etc. They will probably have a great TV/entertainment set up. Their clothes requirements will be simple and not excessive. After that though, they don’t need much. Yet they have the ability to generate large incomes and throw off excess money.

This is why the basic family unit worked so well. Raising kids takes an awful lot of time and resources, so by having two people working on it, the man can generate the excess resources necessary for the family to get what they need. In return, the man gets a feeling of accomplishment on his work, and the belief that he is contributing to the success of his family.

So where am I going here?

As you close in on FI, and you reach the point where you have sufficient resources to maintain your lifestyle, the primary reason for many men’s existence suddenly is threatened. If they have reached the point where the family has what it needs in perpetuity, then why is he needed? One of a man’s primary roles in the family is gone. What do you do?

I think this is a major reason why we see so many men dying shortly after their retirement. Their major role in life is gone, and they struggle to find something new. They’ve been working at this since they are 18, and for some, that is 45-50 years of life’s work that is suddenly gone. All they’ve known in their adult life……

I’m struggling with that right now. I’ve got 24-1/2 months left to go, and while I have some short-term goals (travel, writing, etc.) I am not sure what I want to do once I hit FI. I know I want to take some time off (sabbatical?) but then what?

An interesting book that I have just started reading is Find your Why, by Simon Sinek. The idea is to search for the core idea of “why” you do stuff, “why” your exist, “why” you act the way you do and what that gives you. Knowing your “WHY” gives you a filter to make choices, both at work and home, that leads you to finding greater fulfillment. The book is interesting (as is the TED talk) and I’m hoping the exercises it has will lead me to further revelations.

Other blog postings related:

I hope this helps

 

Mr. 39 Months

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