There is always discussion in the FIRE community about the way to pick stocks, the way to travel hack, or the way to reduce your overall expenses to more easily obtain financial independence. This is the “meat and potatoes” of the FIRE community, and like most of you, I really enjoy people’s thoughts, opinions, struggles and successes here.
I wanted to take the time today, to talk about what I believe is the most important financial decision that you will ever make, especially if you are seeking financial independence. That decision is your choice of spouse/partner.
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard/read interviews of FIRE folks, and they answer back “my spouse is more frugal that I am.” It’s that level of frugality, working together towards a goal that enables most of us to hit out financial independence goals, especially those who hit it in the 30s and 40s. There is a common theme you often here about folks dating/marrying – that you end up with your opposite (you are outgoing and they are more laid back, you like to spend and they are frugal, etc.). If you run into this and don’t discuss it before you get too serious, it could lead to all sorts of problems in the long-term relationship. In terms of FI, it could derail your plans.
There have been stories of prospective spouses who have called off the wedding, due to finding out how much in debt their partner is in. Depending on where you live, you could be responsible for some of the debts, and at a minimum, excessive debt by one of the partners will impact their ability to contribute to the finances of the couple.
Like many of you, I was lucky enough to marry someone who is more frugal that I am. I was always the one who ran the checkbook down to the lowest amount possible – even as I was automatically saving money in my 401K and IRA. My wife likes cash, so she has a significant amount of money in a savings account (not even CDs!). Still, this keeps her stress down, and I just treat that as our emergency fund/cash reserve and put my money entirely into other investment vehicles.
It’s worked for us for 31 years (with some bumps), but we certainly wouldn’t be where we are now (33 months away from FI) if I had married a “spendy” woman. I have friends and coworkers with spouses that like to spend (both male & female) and it certainly causes stress and affects their relationship.
So make sure you talk about finances to your prospective spouse, and ensure you are both on the “same sheet of music” in terms of your financial goals.
One last thing – if you are already married, and you’ve got significant money invested saved, and you overhear your spouse say “It costs $40, but I am not sure I want to pay that much” – give them a big hug and tell them you love them. They are helping you on your way to Financial Independence.
Mr. 39 Months